Journey to Shimla-2

If you have not read the first part of this story, then just click here once. Journey to Shimla

Tanya, I moved her wavy hairs from her eyes. I felt like nothing had ever happened between us for a moment. I felt like she was still my sweetie, and I was her Rishu (She calls me by this name to persuade or sometimes console me). I almost forgot that we are not the ones we used to be, and I am no one to her now. I kept staring at her and couldn't take my eyes off even for a minute. I have never found myself so nervous, happier, and close to someone in the past five consecutive years. It was a heavenly, beautiful moment for me to keep looking at someone I used to see in dreams sometimes. 

Bhaiya ji, hum address pe aa gaye hai.Yahi hai naa ghar! (We have reached the address. It's your house, isn't it!? The auto driver standing next to me suddenly breached my attention and Tanya's sleep. 

Tanya woke up, which put me in an awkward situation as I was constantly looking at her closely. 

Aah, I was saying, Ahmm, we..we have arrived. You were tired, I guess, and so you slept over my shoulder. I-I-I was trying to awake you. Get off the auto. We have arrived. I somehow tried to come out of that awkwardness. 

How much bhaiya? I asked 

Jii 110, he smilingly replied 

Ok. Tanya, have you checked your bags? Is there something left? I tried to pretend to be calm and normal like nothing had happened. 

Yeah, I checked; she normally answered like it was only me who was awkward

We got into the building. Ok, thank you, bhaiya; Tanya and I waved. He smiled and left.

3rd floor, I said

Hmm, she nodded. And listen, don't feel awkward; she turned around smilingly and looked into my eyes. 

Awkward? Me? dNo, no, I am all okay; I smirked and passed a fake confident smile while answering and continued; why would I be? I guess you are overthinking; I said, stammering.

With this, we have reached our floor. 

Di, we have arrived; I knocked on the door.

Welcome home Tanya. Di greeted her while opening the door.

Hello, di. How are you? She asked smiling 

As you can see, Healthy and cool, Di replied and took Tanya to her room.

I kept her bags in my room and let them talk.

(Few Minutes Later)

Ask her for lunch at least, I shouted from the room

Oh yes! So Tanya, get fresh quickly. I will prepare your lunch. Di ended the conversation, and Tanya went to the washroom. 

I could hear everything clearly from my room as they forgot to close the door. 

Ask her for lunch at least; ooh, how concerned! aww, di started imitating me 

Please! Stop doing it. She could hear it, so please, I pleaded with her to stop imitating me. By the way, I was not concerned. It’s called demeanor that one should have when someone comes to your home after a long journey; I grinned.

Ohh! Is it? Then, why didn’t this demeanor ever come for me? She taunted frowning 

Sorry? What did you say? I didn’t get it; I laughed 

Where is my bag? Tanya came out

It’s there; di pointed toward my room.

Seeing her coming into my room, I immediately switched on my laptop and checked emails to avoid eye contact with her.

I could see her taking out her charger and headphone from her bags. 

Tanya, your meal is ready; di called her

Do you want to join? She asked 

I am sorry, I am in the middle of some important stuff. I’ll eat later. We exchanged a smile, and Tanya went away.

(At 5;30, Evening)
                                                                                                                                                   

Yaa, I understand. Hmm, I'll try to come as soon as….I heard di was on a call with someone. I could barely hear her conversation as I was still half asleep. A few minutes later, I decided to get off bed instead of trying to sleep again. 

What happened? Who was on the call? Is everything alright? I heard you were saying to someone that you'll come soon; I asked out of concern. 

Actually, Neha's health has suddenly deteriorated, and she wants me to stay there tonight; she explained all about that serious call.

So, I think you should go. After all, "A friend in need is a friend indeed." She needs you; I delivered a philosophy, no, not just a philosophy but a genuine concern 

So, Tanya? I mean, you and her alone tonight? Will you be okay with this? She frowned while asking, as I'll kill Tanya in her absence.

I'll take care of her as we do to a guest, will drop her at the airport tomorrow, and I assure you nothing wrong will happen. 

Guest? She frowned 

Hmm, I nodded 

Okay, so let me get ready. I'll depart in a minute. She went into her room, where Tanya was sleeping.

I could hear some sounds coming from her room. Perhaps she was finding her clothes, make-up kit, or something else. I peeped into her room.

Maintain some silence, please. I said in a feeble voice, pointing towards Tanya.

She smirked, so I felt it would be good if I stayed out of it. 

A few minutes later, she taunted again, "guest…special guest, she is sleeping."

I think you should go now; I held her back and pushed her towards the door.

Hahaha, she went downstairs laughing. 

(Door Closed)

I sat on the bed with a diary and pen in my hand. I often prefer to write when I am alone but that day was a bit special as I was writing for the one sleeping next to my room. I have always written to her. Our separation has never come my way to stop writing about her, and even it has helped me get over her somehow. 

Hello, Tanya entered my room, rubbing her eyes

Ohh, you woke up; I smiled at her

I didn't see di anywhere around. Where is she? She asked, looking around

She will not be here tonight. Her friend got sick, and her parents are out of the station, so she has to take care of her. I explained 

Then who will cook tonight? She raised her eyelids and smilingly asked 

I guess someone who knows; I smiled and answered 

So, you haven't learned to cook yet? She surprisingly asked 

Noo, I nodded 

Do you remember once you called me… I am writing something; I cut her in the middle as I was no longer interested in remembering anything. 

Okay, she bowed her head and left.

I again started writing silently, but her sad face kept coming to my mind repeatedly. Fuck, I put my diary aside. I don't know why I still care for her sentiments when she never did. Why did she want me to remember that? It hurts; it badly hurts. It was normal for her to leave but not for me. I know how much I fucked my life to just overcome all the memories we had. My heart, alas, still sinks when she is sad. 

Tanya, I went into her room

Hmm, she looked up at me

Aah, I am sorry. I was actually writing something, and I didn't want to miss that thought. So, I cut you in the middle. I hope you understand

Hmm, it's okay. I guess I shouldn't have come to that time, she said

I preferred not to take this conversation any longer, so I simply shook my head. There was silence in the room until I said something. 

Hey, you didn't have tea yet. Can you breathe properly? I said, laughing as tea was like the ultimate love for her. Her morning starts with tea and ends with tea.  

Shivam, Please, She threw a pillow over me and laughed 

So, let me get you your evening tea; I stood up 

Before I could go, we exchanged long eye contact. Perhaps, she also got the flashback when we planned about these things. She would make breakfast for me, and I would make her tea. 

I need to go; I rolled my eyes and left.

(A few minutes later) 

Your tea is ready; I got into her room 

Thank you, she smiled

I guess you are busy with some stuff, I said

Yeah, some of the important emails regarding work. Plus, I need to create some presentations, she added. 

I still didn't show any interest in her work, her lifestyle, and Nothing as I don't find myself at that place to ask anything about her life. So, I simply smiled, thumbed up, and went off. 

After many years, we laughed together. Living the moment I used to dream and crave for made me a little emotional. There wasn't a moment in which I didn't miss her in the last five. I always spent my time on the terrace whenever I missed her. And today, when she is in my house, I am still going on the terrace. How life changes everything. I have never felt so alone. Look at the irony of life, the one you once loved is sitting beside you, but still, you are missing them. I took the stairs to the terrace. 

There were three of us at the terrace. Me, moonlight, and the wind. They have become my friends. Winds make me think about you when it suddenly touches my heart, but until I can hold them, it goes far away from me. This moonlight reminds me of you that some things look good only from afar.

(At 8;00pm, Terrace)

Shivam, I heard Tanya's voice 

I am here, on the terrace. Lights are dim here. Gently come upstairs, I shouted. 

Okay, I am coming, she replied 

I stood there on the railing, resting my hand over it

Shivam, Tanya screamed 

Ohh shit, I rushed downstairs

Are you okay? I exclaimed  

I think I got cramp, she said, moaning in pain

I told you to come slowly, but you never have to listen to me. You never listen to me, neither in the past nor now. I did not realize what I had said, which made a deep silence on the stairs. 

I..I mean, you should have walked slowly, I said softly and titillated her legs. 

Do you want to go up or wanna rest? I asked

Terrace, she softly replied like I would get mad at her

Ok, let's go. I jumped on the second stair while she was trying to lift her legs up

Give me your hand; I offered my hands to her to hold

She looked directly into my eyes. 

Hold it! I promise I would never leave; I said it softly with a smile

I mean, I won't let you fall again on the stairs. I smiled

She said Nothing in reply to this and held it. We reached the stairs, and I went to the other side of the terrace and stood silently. 

How beautiful it looks! She said, looking up into the sky.

I turned around to see her. She was looking at the moon with her eyes closed and open arms. The moon's rays penetrating the clouds and falling on her face were making her more beautiful. She looked like a fairy landed from heaven. Without even a blink, I was continuously beholding her like I used to see the moon when she was not with me. I stepped forth towards her, but something from behind held my hand. I looked back. My past said, "don't go there; it will break you again." I stopped moving and stood there where I was. I took my eyes off her. 

Shivam, she called 

Hmm, I muttered 

What were you writing? She asked

You, I said in a feeble voice

Me? She reacted surprisingly like she didn't know I had only written for her since the day we met.

No, I took a pause and then continued, "You" is one of my poems. I moved to the other side.

Can I ask you something? She asked, stepping toward me

Go ahead, I muttered 

Are you still angry with me? She asked

Noo, I nodded. I never was, I said softly. 

But I am noticing that you….I am sad, I sobbingly said before she could complete 

Are you cryi..? Look into my eyes; she grabbed my shoulder and turned me towards her. 

No, I am not crying, I groaned. My eyes forgot to cry; perhaps no tears left, I said, sobbing and continuing but let me tell you, there was a time when crying from the sunrise to the moon sets had added to my regular routine. There was not even a single moment I didn't miss you. Every fucking thing reminded me of you. I was so miserable that even those I never had a good relationship with were concerned about me, but someone I loved with all my heart had never turned back. Every time I kept giving myself a false hope that she would come back one day, she still loves you, cares for you, and so on. But as the day kept turning into night, weeks into months, and months into the year, I broke into pieces. I tried to fucking hate you, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't because I loved you madly. I said, sobbing and falling to my knees.

Shivam, Shivam, Shivam….Where have you lost? She shook my shoulders 

I got back in time. Yaa, Yaa, I am here. Actually, I just went into some thoughts. I am okay now, I answered 

I asked you something, "are you still angry with me?"

No, I never was. It's just sadness. I never thought there would be a day when I would have to live without you. I kept waiting for you, hoping that you would come angrily and ask me to persuade you like we used to do after every fight, but you never came, I said smilingly with little tears in my eyes.

You are crying? She kept her hands on my face. 

Noo, let it be. It's just some water left inside. I used to sob and scream in the past five years, but as the time passed and you never looked back, my tears perhaps understood the fact that it got wasted for the one who never gave a damn to it, I said, sobbing and moved her hands from my cheeks. 

(Panting)

I tried to contact you that you probably knew, but you never answered. I…I stopped saying anything and went aside.

But I…I didn't want to talk about that; I cut her in the middle and ended the conversation. 

I am sorry, she was in tears. 

No… don't cry, please. It's okay. You know it says, "getting too close to someone actually takes you away from them someday." I should not have loved you so much, I should not have pushed myself for you beyond limits, and I should not have cared about your smile beyond anything. I made a mess, and you left. But you should have looked back once; I have, Nothing. I said and stepped towards the stairs. 

Do you still love me? She asked 

I stopped moving and turned back to her; I guess you should sleep now. Tomorrow is your flight. I said and came downstairs. 

(At night, 11;30pm)

I wrote everything that happened today in my diary. My diary is the only one that knows everything. 

Tanya, you slept? I shouted from my room

No, I am unable to, she answered 

I got off the bed and went to her room

What happened? Why can’t you sleep? I asked out of concern 

I have a bad headache. Ever since I started journey to Patna, the pain has been there; it was normal at that time, but now it has worsened my condition. Maybe because of fatigue, she gave an ill expression 

Hmm... I shrugged 

Go aside. I sat on her bed. Would you mind if I keep your head in my lap? Although I was supposed to smile there, I asked normally.

She smiled and kept her head softly in my lap. 

I started by caressing her hair and softly massaging her head. I could see the constant smile on her face as she loved it. It took me to that night when we were talking about our future, the vows we had taken once. 

I would do whatever it takes to keep this smile forever on her face [Me]

We would always be together no matter how bad we would fight. I’ll wait for you, or if you don’t come, I’ll come to kick your ass and take you with me. [Tanya]

I’ll keep writing for you only, no matter whether you will be with me or not. [Me]

I’ll never let you write for anyone else, idiot. And yaa I’ll never be leaving your hand no matter how hard anyone could try [Tanya]

Shivam... I heard Tanya’s drowsy voice that brought me back to the time. 

Hmm, I softly replied 

Do you still love me? She asked 

How are you feeling now? I avoided her question. 

Hmm…She replied, always better when you are around, grabbing me like a cushion. 

Then why did you leave me? I sobbed and asked.

I didn’t get an answer, so I looked down. She was asleep by then. I thought to place a pillow under her head and go back to my room, but that might have made her awake again. She hardly slept that night. Or, if you think I am telling a lie by showing concern about her sleep, you might be right somewhere. If I had remembered the time I had gone through, I could have easily dropped her head to the pillow without worrying about her sleep or anything. But somewhere, the love for her was still more than my rage. I decided to be with her that night. I leaned against the wall, turned the light off, and fell asleep. 

(Last Morning, 6;30am)

The sun's light coming from the window made me awake when it fell on my eyes. I remembered I slept against the wall with Tanya’s head on my lap, but the position was not similar now. My hands crossed her stomach and lay on her waist, and her hands were on my chest. I didn’t want to make memories as they would haunt me badly after she left. I kept her hands aside and got off the blanket. 

Tanya, wake up. You gotta catch the flight; I tried to awaken her

Tanya...Tanya..wake up; I shook her by the shoulders 

Why so early in the morning? She said in a drowsy voice

Because your flight for Chandigarh will not wait for you to come at your time. Get up, I raise the voice

Ohh shit, she woke up and got off the bed saying this. 

I think you should not have come out of the blanket this fast, I said, looking at her clothes.

Why? She frowned 

Find yourself; I smiled and went off from her room.

Fuck off, she shouted a few seconds later

I laughed and went inside the washroom. 

(After Being Fresh)

Your tea is there in your room; I gestured towards the room

Thank you, she smiled 

What is the time of your flight? I shouted 

10;0am, she answered 

I guess we will be late if everything goes like this, I said

Hmm, but I’ll get ready in just 10 minutes, I promise. 

I burst out. Do not laugh, she screamed. 

Your breakfast is on the table, have it on time. I am going on a walk, I said, going downstairs.

(At 8;00am)

Hello madam! Have you got ready in your “10 minutes” I taunted, smiling

Yeah, almost, but it would be better if you help me instead of laughing like an idiot, she said furiously

I stepped into her room. I saw she was struggling to hook her blouse. I went close to her and asked, “May I?”

Hmm, she nodded 

I knew what I was doing was not good. I was creating memories that would hurt me, indeed, when she would go away. It took a lot to overcome all her thoughts, and now again, I was building a castle of her memories. 

I hooked it and turned around. 

Thank you, she softly said 

Pack your stuff quickly; I guess we should leave now, I suggested and left 

I went into my room and wore a pyjama & a T-shirt. Comb my hair, watch on my wrist, and all set to leave. 

Have you dressed up? I shouted from my room

Yaa, she answered 

We both came out of the room simultaneously. 

Beautiful, I murmured. 

Did you say something? She moved her hair from her ears and leaned toward me.

You look good, I answered and took her bag.

Let me lock the door, and you go down slowly; I kept the bags on the stairs and asked her to lead.

Well, are you in a relationship? I asked while going downstairs 

She waited for a while and then looked at me. No, not yet, she answered 

Ok, I said. What about you? She asked

Noo, I am still stuck where I was. But luckily, by now, I have almost overcome the past; I ended up with a smile.

We looked at each other for a while. I know she was not liking the way I had been answering since the time we met, but I could not do anything. It might be hurting, but when someone is broken and even because of you, you should not expect words dipped with emotions and love from them and especially for you. 

I kept the luggage and let her sit first. Bhaiya, drive us to the airport a little faster, I said to the auto driver and sat inside.

When the breeze in the morning touches your body, it always feels heavenly. You might carry a lot inside, but when you see the sun in the morning, it somewhere brings the hope within you that there will be shining a day after dark time. 

I was looking outside when I heard Tanya's voice. 

Can a broken glass be used if we assemble its pieces and give it a shape like before? She asked 

Yaa, it can be used but perhaps not like before. It needs extra care if we are willing to use it for a long time or maybe till the end because if you lose your temper and throw it away again, it will be shattered, and you cannot give it any shape anymore as it was already broken. So, yaa, it can be used but needs ultimate love. Far more than before. I ended my philosophy with a fake smile and genuine water in my eyes. 

Jayprakash Narayan International Airport, Patna

There are three terminals. Terminal1 is for domestic operations and has direct flights from major cities of India. Terminal 2 is for international flights but is not operational right now. 

We arrived around 8;45am. I took out the luggage and paid the auto fare. We were standing together looking at the entrance of the Airport. 

So, this is it. My journey ends here. Go ahead, I signed towards the airport.

You won’t go a little further. At least, till there, She signaled towards the door where guards were checking the boarding pass and letting the passengers in for check-in.  

Hmm…I can go, but will that make any difference? I can’t be by your side forever, so walking till there or stopping here and seeing you go away again will be the same, I guess. It’s your check-in time; I think you should go in. I denied to go with her and asked her to go ahead.

She started stepping toward the entrance, and I kept looking at her constantly. This has happened to me before, but the only difference is that I was in tears that time, and there was nothing within me today. Or perhaps, the love is still left. 

Tanya, I called her

She looked back.

Have you taken your bag? I suddenly asked for no reason as anyone could see it was hanging on her shoulder.

She turned back, smiled, and nodded, ‘Yes.’

I waved my hands and turned around

Shivam called my name out loud

I saw her coming toward me. 

She came close and hugged me. My hands were still straight down while she grabbed me tightly in her arms. Although I was broken, it took years for this to happen, so I also crossed my hands over her back. My sorrow slips away when she is by my side. 

I could feel that she was unwilling to leave, so do I. But later, I pushed myself back and shook my head to get free of her arms. 

I took her hands into mine. It's okay, I said

You should go in before it’s too late, I said softly

It’s never too late, she replied, sobbing and holding my face in her hands

Don’t be poetic, I smilingly said with little tears in my eyes

I tried hard to control it, but having her this close to me, I kissed her cheeks. 

I think you should go inside quickly, so I pushed her slowly away from me. 

She wiped her tears and asked again, “Do you still love me?”

I avoided answering again. Let me take you to the gate. I took her bags and walked with her to that entrance. 

Happy Journey, I wished her.

Do you still love me? She asked again, going inside the airport

I waited, but before the door get closed, I shouted, I do

She smiled, gave a flying kiss, and disappeared. 

(At Home)

She stayed just for a day but left a lot here to make me miss her throughout the night and day. I went into her and sat on the bed. We slept here, and her smell was still on the pillow she laid down on. I stood up and went to my room to write something in my diary. I remembered last night, I kept it here, but it was not there. I searched for it everywhere but didn’t get it until I got a text on my phone. 

It was from Tanya that said, “ I knew you love me, but it's just that I wanted to hear it from you. I love you so much, Rishu. But before you worry about your diehard diary, I want to say that I took it with me. I know it’s your personal possession, but I also know that you have written nothing more in it except me. So, let me read. And yaa, I will come again to fix that broken glass with never-ending and ultimate love. Take care. Coming soon

Your Sweetie (Tanya) 

I smiled and went into her room while reading it. I threw the phone on the bed, bumped my face on that pillow, and slept.

Happy Journey

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